Ask Dr Sarah: I’m No Good At Relationships – What Should I Do?

"I have just started seeing someone that I like but I’m scared that I will mess it up again"

Do you have a personal problem that you need advice on? KISS is here to help, with Dr Sarah, a clinical child psychologist specialising in adolescent issues.

“I have had a few girlfriends in the past but they haven’t lasted very long and it’s my fault. Whenever I am single I always want a girlfriend but then when I get into a relationship I get scared and feel like I want to be single again. I have just started seeing someone that I like but I’m scared that I will mess it up again. Help!”

-Anon, 16 

Dr Sarah Says The idea of a committed relationship can sometimes be better than the reality! You’ve gone out with a couple of people and it hasn’t worked out; this is completely normal and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. You say that the break-ups are ‘your fault’ because you get ‘scared’. It’s always a really good idea to reflect on what went wrong in a relationship so that you can learn for the future.  Have a think about what it is that ‘scares’ you once you start to go out with someone.

Are you afraid of getting close and being hurt, or are you just not ready yet for an exclusive and committed relationship? Also have a think about you own expectations of a relationship and what you think a good one should look like? Are you setting your sights too high and looking for instant perfection? Or is it possible that things don’t work out because you’re not being choosy enough and keep going for the wrong people? Worrying about what might go wrong before it has even got off the ground can’t be very relaxing for you or her and there’s no doubt that this will impact on your ability to be yourself and commit fully to the relationship.

Check out more questions answered by Dr Sarah here.

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