Should I Text Them First?

Lets navigate the politics of texting together

Chatting to someone new can be both exciting and stressful. Maybe you like them and hope to be more than just friends someday, maybe you kind of already are more than friends but are waiting for things to be official, or maybe you’re in a relationship with the person but things are still very new and you’re unsure how to go about it all.

If you’re in any of the above situations, or ever find yourself in it in time to come, never fear, as we’re here to offer the best advice we have.

Everyone on Team KISS has been there and done that when it comes to the politics around texting. And thankfully from the mistakes we made in our teenage years, we’ve learned plenty from. Knowing when to shoot your shot and when to hold back is key, and there’s some things to evaluate before you go for it.

So, if you’re unsure whether to hit send on that text or not, read ahead.

What is your relationship with them?

Your intention behind your text is everything when it comes to deciding whether or not you should send it. For example, if you’ve just been on a little date with someone or seen them recently, absolutely go for it and hit send. You could tell them you had a nice time together and would like to do it again, or bring up something you spoke about while on the date eg, if they told you their favourite song, text them saying that you listened to it and share your thoughts.

If you’ve never chatted to them before, it may be advised to thread a little more lightly. If it’s someone you know IRL and want to test the water to see if they’re into you too, try a soft launch by liking their pictures, and reacting to their social media, if they respond by liking your reactions and pictures back, you can take that as the go-ahead to initiate conversation with them.

If you know them from social media but not from real life, it’s important to put your safety first. Again, you can soft-launch things with some likes and comments, but always be sure that the person is who they say they are. FaceTime them first, involve your friends in the situation and get their opinions, and never meet up with someone you don’t know in a private place.

Have you been chatting to them before?

Maybe one of you have already made that initial move and now you’re both chatting regularly. This is where things can get a little more complicated. If this is the case, ask yourself, have you texted them already today? If the answer is yes, step away from the send button. An ongoing conversation where you both send memes and TikToks is fine, but when the convo is a little more dry, it might be time to play hard to get.

If things are a little awkward, take note of who texts first and when. No one ever wants to be the one to text first all the time, so hold your head high and avoid being that person. A mutual effort from both people is important, so if they text you first yesterday, there’s no harm is initiating the conversation yourself next time around. However, if you feel like you’re the one to start and hold all of your conversations, it might be time to cut your losses and hold back going forward.

Are they kind to you?

At one of his recent gigs, a fan wrote a sign asking Harry Styles if they should text a boy. His answer was simply ‘Is he nice to you?’, and we have to agree with Harry, this question is key. If the person you want to text is genuinely kind to you, then just go ahead and send that text. If they’ve ghosted you in the past, ignored your previous messages or done something that hurt your feelings before, avoid, avoid, avoid. We only want the best for ourselves, remember that girlies.

What are your intentions?

On the flip side, it’s also important that you are kind to others and only text when your intentions are good. If you’re not feeling the person on the other end of the phone and texting them ‘just because’ it might be time to rethink your relationship.

If you know the person you’re texting has feelings for you and they’re not reciprocated in you, maybe you should leave them be. If the shoe was on the other foot, how would you feel? Always be clear with people how you feel about them, if you believe that you two would be better as friends, let them know, if you’re thinking of things as more than friends, let them know when the time is right too. When it comes to dating, honesty is key.

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