“I just wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school. I wish that I could bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we’d all eat it and be happy.” – Sometimes this Mean Girls quote is more relatable than we’d want it to be. We all know it’s hard to fight with your friends, but something that is almost just as hard is being in the middle of your friends when they are fighting.
Being stuck in the middle and trying not to pick sides or support any trash talk from either side and yet being there for each person and being a good friend is hard and exhausting and even though you aren’t involved directly, you’re affected and it’s okay to be upset about it. There’s no quick fix to this situation unfortunately, but we’ve got some tips for when your feuding friends don’t seem to want to forgive.
You’re Allowed To Care
It’s easy to feel like you shouldn’t be upset because at the end of the day you still have your friends even if they aren’t friends with each other anymore. But you also have to see them in a different way now, you meet them separately instead of in a group, you’re sure not to meet one more than the other so you don’t seem to be ‘taking sides’ and you have to send memes to separate people rather than just popping it in the trusty group chat! What a pain! You don’t want to be selfish and you’re thankful you aren’t fighting with anyone, but you can’t help but feel like you’re in the middle of a friendship break-up and it’s pretty sad. It’s okay to miss the old days, but remember, you’re not saying goodbye to anyone, you are still important to all your friends.
Talk To Them
Read the situation, you know your friends, and maybe it’s just a case of both being too stubborn to make a move toward a resolution. If you let them know how you’re feeling they might realise it is silly and not worth throwing away a solid friend group for. Sometimes this can be tough, you don’t want to be involved so be sure to only say things from your perspective, your friends are preoccupied with their own issues to think about how it might be affecting others in the group, so you never know what a quick word from an outsider can do.
Be Clear About Nasty Comments
If it doesn’t seem to be a mendable situation, have a quick chat with them both to let them know you don’t want to hear any nasty comments about the other, you can still be there for everyone but hearing the people you love argue through you can be draining. It can be easy to fall into the trap of agreeing or nodding along to trash talk, but laying down some ground rules will nip that in the bud. Your friends will respect that you are in the middle and it’s not fair for you to have to listen to all the drama.
So, you’ve tried all you can to be the peacekeeper and to fix the group and it still doesn’t seem to be happening for you. That’s okay, of course, it’s sad and can take a bit of adjustment to get used to meeting your pals in separate groups, but you still have them and you can continue to make great memories with them as well as treasuring the ones from the past. Sometimes people grow apart in life and that’s okay, it’s part of growing up, it doesn’t mean the future can’t hold a reunion, and most likely you’re all still going to be invited to the same events so maybe they will work it out on their own one day. For now, you just have to enjoy your time with everyone and be grateful for your friends. We promise it’ll be okay and you always have KISS to turn to! xx
Words: Jade Carpenter